What AmberLily Wants, A Rant

Just a warning, this is a little rant I've wanted to make for awhile now, and as a rant -- it won't be totally logical or make sense for most folks, but maybe it will help illustrate where I'm coming from. And what better day to make it than today when Sarah Palin resigns as governor of Alaska.

I wished people didn't think that look like Sarah Palin and Tina Fey because it COSTS ME MONEY.

Not sure how I got to this conclusion? Has my ego just instantly swollen up a couple of dress sizes because I've compared myself to two very famous people? Sure, it has, but what I've said still more true than I'd like. Throughout the last presidential election, I made a conscious effort to *not* be publicly political because in all honesty -- it's just not very me. I didn't and still don't have much faith in our elected government and spending much time thinking about it only adds another knot in my already severely knotted-up stomach. My own personal life overwhelms me. If you're spent any time on my blog, then you already know that.

So I didn't blog, or tweet, or talk about the election or its players in camshows. But that doesn't mean that it didn't reach me. Even without my being an outspoken crusader type, politics got into my work, my sex work. Against my wishes. Against my will. I've been caught in the middle of something I don't claim to fully understand, and it sucks. It costs me money because I bear just enough of a physical resemblance to both Sarah Palin and Tina Fey for me to be likened to both of them and what they represent. It's that last part that's causing problems for me. What do they represent? A whole mess of ideas that usually don't involve people's dicks getting hard or pussies getting wet. Ideas that make most people in my webcam show chatrooms angry or hostile or at the very least prone to belittling or ridiculing ME. It's particularly bad in my private camshow chatroom. People have turned me into a stand-in scapegoat, and it hasn't been fun.

Sure, there's been a few folks who've intended for their "Hey, you look like Sarah Palin/Tina Fey!" to be a compliment, but the nitty gritty is that the majority of the time what follows isn't pretty. If my one-on-one camshow chatters see me more as Sarah Palin then it's the perfect catalyst for them to try to abuse me because they don't like her. Vent all of their political frustrations on to me because she's not as directly accessible. I remember one private camshow I had where all my viewer typed throughout our session was verbiage along the lines of: "Yea, gonna hate fuck that republican pussy til it busts open" or something like that. It was more than I wanted to deal with, something I hadn't anticipated as we hadn't really discussed it beforehand, but at least I can console myself with the fact that was a show that I earned money for and maybe I provided much needed therapy in a safer venue for my aggressive chatter than if he'd wanted to take his frustrations elsewhere. I'm a big girl, I can always "End Show" if I'm being asked to perform in ways that I don't like or am not capable of. Ending a private camshow session is something I've very rarely resorted to because it's largely unnecessary. I've been a camwhore long enough to screen out unsuitable shows based on what my chatters say before we even have the opportunity to "go there". Obviously though, my experience and intuition aren't 100% infallible.

Most of the time, my chatters tend just use my look-alikeness as the excuse for NOT getting a private show with me. If my one-on-one chatters preferred to see me more as Tina Fey, then they seemed to have more expectations that I'd be more funny than I really am, and this REALLY takes us off course. My job is to be a sexual turn-on, and my sensual energy has a price tag on it that's paid in a per-minute-fashion -- not do a comedy routine in my free chat lobby for FREE. I suppose I could try to be more funny if asked to be so in a paid-for show, but you know, I've never been asked for that. Not once have I been asked to perform stand-up comedy in a private show.

I had high hopes that after the election was over that my term of being a Just-As-Good-As-A-Palin-Punching-Bag would be over too, but both Sarah Palin and Tina Fey have gone supernova famous, and there is no end in sight. It doesn't matter if Sarah Palin resigns as governor because she's not going to permanently leave public eye. Anyone who thinks she's going to fade away must be more blind than I am when I take off my "Sarah Palin Glasses". *Grumble grumble*

Perhaps what most bothers me, since I'm doomed to be a Palin/Fey look-alike, is how MEAN and HATEFUL so many liberals, people who claim to be "so much more fair and open-minded" are towards Palin. I don't want to be slammed for saying this, I'd love to remain all Swizterland-Neutral/Non-Political/Warm & Fuzzy, but maybe after reading all of this rant, it might occur to some of those in anti-Palin camp that being so consumed by hate/fear/loathing that you're constantly getting personal and blasting her and her family in your twitter isn't showing anyone how your political stance is better. It's breeding more of the same and that same winds up in my chatroom trying to hate fuck me or just fuck me out of money. It truly bothers me that it's probably because Sarah Palin is an attractive female that she is hated WAY MORE than her fellow male conservative counterparts. The way the hate missiles are launched at her and her children most likely wouldn't have happened if she had been born with a penis.

And it's not helpful that I'm not even the slightest bit flattered to be compared to Tina Fey. I never watched 30 Rock and I seldom catch Saturday Night Live, but I did hear about her interview in Vanity Fair and that's pretty much turned me off. Way off. I felt personally insulted when I read this: "I love to play strippers and to imitate them,” says Fey. “I love using that idea for comedy, but the idea of actually going there? I feel like we all need to be better than that. That industry needs to die, by all of us being a little bit better than that." Which industry is is that needs to die? Oh, right, the one I happily work in of my own choice, the adult entertainment industry.

Le Sigh.

Was this rant long enough for you? It's more than I intended to write, that's for sure. I wanted to unburden myself, and I'm certain that after I hit "Publish Post" that I'll instantly feel better. It's not as if I'm in a bad mood today or anything. I'll just be sure to NOT wear my glasses tonight when I webcam. I'll put on half a pound of black eye liner, a full pound of eye shadow, and lots and lots of red lipstick. Maybe then I'll look like the fun & sexy adult entertainer that I strive to be. Meow.


    Feel better, Ms. Amber?

    Earlier today, I read your tweet about Palin and was then unable to discern whether you were a passenger on her bandwagon or simply a stander-by. I started to REPLY by stating essentially that I, as a long-standing liberal,am duty-bound not to cozy up to her agenda but for some reason, I sometimes like her message. It only took me listening to her statement today during which she alluded to her disdain for the politics of personal destruction that I concluded that I am drawn more to the style of her delivery than I am to the deliverer's double-talking message.

    It is interesting to read about the intrusion of politics into your workplace. Who knew--not me--not even remotely!! It saddens me, honestly so, that you would 1) be exposed to third parties whose behaviors are crude, classless and insensitive toward you; and, 2) that your conditioning in the context of your work has created an entertainer who can hyper-endure a form of suffering that is alien to workers not in the sex entertainment industry. As an aside, it's such a joyful, seemingly-genuine smile that leads me to believe you are able to maintain a healthful perspective on things nonetheless. I hope the reduction of your thoughts to the written word has been cathartic. The intent of my reply acknowledges the significance of your words and that they did provoke more than a cursory response.

    I suppose I can (and may) process the theme of your post more analytically but thought I'd keep with your approach and just let the stream of consciousness flow.

    And by the way, I am much, much less of a Tina Fey fan now given the pitifully judgmental commentary you cited. Thanks for that, ma'am.

    May you and yours enjoy a safe & happy 4th.

    I think you look hot either way. especially in the princess lea outfits