One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

I thought I could get away with recording another vlog entry for ya'll -- thinking it might be easier to get anyone interested in getting caught up with what's been going on with me via one of my goofy videos, but it's just not in the cards right now.

Unfortunately, my main computer is down for the count. I'm trying to do what I can to get the important stuff I hadn't backed up (yes, I do back-up, but not as frequently as I should) off of it and see about possibly reformatting it, but it's old. It's beat up. It's been through a lot, and I'm not sure that'll do the trick. Honestly, I really only wanted it to hang in there for a few more months when I could more realistically afford to buy a new computer. But, that's not how my luck tends to go with my hardware.

Someone who does as much online, particularly with webcam work as I do, really NEEDS more than one working computer, and I've been on a partially-functional computer for over a year now. I'm two OS behind and making my box work the way that I've have putting in non-stop hours, pushing its specs to the limits -- really only a matter of time before it hits bottom and can not resurface. Who knows, maybe it'll turn out alright for my poor computer, but my gut feeling is that it's really over now. Le Sigh.

When I say "main computer" like I have at the beginning of this entry, what I really mean is: the only computer that will turn on and can connect to the internet. I've got four totally worthless computers that I've been carting around the country that I wasn't ready to destroy -- because once there's homemade porn starring yourself on a hard drive -- that's really your only option. Providing your machines can't be fixed. I think that's where my optimism comes in. I like to believe that someday I really will be able to diagnose what's wrong with these machines and be able to fix them, get them working like new, and then have my house all networked up so I can be rendering/uploading video and doing other cool stuff 24/7. I mean not going for the Kevin Smith/Warlock in Die Hard 4 hardcore computer geek palace sheik sort of vibe, but something involving more than one working computer would greatly aid my amateur pornographer ambitions. At the very least, I won't be forced offline where I'll starve to death because 90% of my income comes from being an adult webcam performer.
I'm pretty sure that I'm going to cave in and put a new cheapo laptop on my Best Buy Card within the next few days just so I can keep working because I'm (as usual) already super behind on all things The computer I'm using now isn't one I can stay on. Inherited from BigD's mom, it was only used for word-processing and doesn't have much in the way of what your average webgirl needs even if you strip out all of the Family Tree Maker and various "helpful" AOL BS.

Between the move from Seattle to Los Angeles, dealing with living in an old house with antiquated plumbing and electrical (scary stuff for me folks, we lost BigD's work computer because of the electrical in this house...), dealing with the fall-out from being away from my family for the last six years and how resentful they are because of my absence and how we *needed* to go full-tilt drama over Christmas -- getting off to the right start in 2010 has been difficult.

Even still, I am all about fresh starts and remaining hopeful in the face of great challenges. I won't rehash 2009 for you, but BigD's mother's death last January has impacted us financially in ways that will take us YEARS to recover from. But we're home now and trying to rebuild what we've lost, and there is SUNSHINE almost every day! Even if I'm putting in tons of hours on webcam because I have more financial responsibilities, I *know* that 2010 will be a healing year. There will be time for me to get out and smell the roses, but for now -- now I better keep working hard. In a few months, I'm sure I'll get to do more fun stuff that will make for more exciting blog entries. In the mean time, you'll have to keep your eyes peeled for more pictures of Dutch and my theories/feelings on the final season of LOST.

And more updates for my sites! I'll get my computer situation figured out someway or other. New Year's Resolution #1!