There's No Place Like Home

I probably should have taken my drying contact lens out of my eyes before recording this, but hey, my constant eyelash-batting does help add to the "she's totally crazy/insane" quality to this late-night vlog entry that I hope you'll find endearing. Or at least somewhat informative and/or entertaining since you're wasting 5+ minutes if you don't.

Should you *not* take time out to watch it, say just perhaps you're only interested in *reading* about what's going on, here's the summarized version: We are moving back home to Southern California soon. How soon? Maybe like end of April soon. I'm not sure if I'll be able to get back to being a stripper (though I certainly hope to, if not SoCal then maybe Vegas from time to time - I didn't mention that Vegas part in the video but yeah...) but I do plan on keeping up with my website/camming stuff. I'm gonna try to update as regularly as I can up until the move and then be tied up for a couple of weeks and get back to it once we're just the slightest bit settled. Most of my die-hard members are pretty understanding. Big shit happens when a family member passes. Our main goal is to get back to our remaining family members and friends and feel more like life can start again.

I've felt like everything's been "on hold" ever since last March when we moved to Seattle this last time. I kept telling myself, "Oh, I'll do that after we unpack..." - "Oh, I'll do *that* after we move to the next apartment..." - "Oh, I'll do *THAT* after the weather gets better..." Makes things awful tricky when that's all you get to do. Instead of DOING things to make myself feel more at home here, I've deliberately put them off because there was always that next big something looming on the horizon. Too many moves. Too many changes. Too much work. Too little time. Being back in a more familiar surroundings and an easier-to-live-in backdrop is what I've been hoping for a real long time now. So while I'm not excited about packing and the actual headache that is moving, and I will miss being near Trixie & Delia, I am super relieved. I must sigh twenty times a day now knowing that our time here is drawing to a close. I know that Southern California is a good fit: it's home.


    You've got to give cascadia more time Lily. I moved here from Miami, so I'm a son of the sun, and this past winter has been exceptionally crappy. I landed here about 8 years ago and honestly I think it took me about 4 years to fully unpack/settle in and find my core group of friends. Not to mention, I'd already taken on a mortgage payment (and who the heck is gonna sell in the middle of this crisis???) but once you get settled in this place is a great city to restart.

    Hiya Reggie!

    It's Amber or AmberLily not just Lily by the way. :)

    Um, no, I've tried to live in this area twice, and now that a family member has passed -- it's too hard to live in such an unforgiving, dark place. I never wanted to move here the second time, but I'd have moved to Antarctica if it meant that my hubby would have been happy with his job. I put a happy face on it for as long as I could. My Seasonal Affected Disorder is Out. Of. Control.

    Believe it or not, but there are people who just should not live north of SF. I am one of these people. "Cleaner" - "Safer" city be damned. I want to be where I grew up. (Which is pretty clean and safe too, I'd like to add.) I want blue skies and fish tacos. I want to live in a house that's next to my mom, my sis and my brother-in-law and not this small apartment that we can barely afford.

    I'm glad that you like the area. That's cool. It does have a lot to offer. But I don't want to invest the four to six years it would take to "be adapted" -- which would include medication, therapy, buying a "dawn simulator" and other natural light to outfit my home with. Yes, it really is this bad.

    Additionally, I've already mentally checked out of this place. Living for a year out of cardboard boxes has me way done. Stick a fork in me! DONE! DONE! DONE!

    Oh, and don't even get me started on the sad status of strip clubs here that have made it pretty much impossible for me to work as a dancer here. Totally wuss-ified with no alcohol so the clubs have to make their money off their EMPLOYEES and not their CUSTOMERS. All under the guise of trying to "protect" women have these laws come to pass in this super blue state. Irony: there's more freedom for strippers in the fucking bible belt than there is here. I've stewed over this issue for 11 1/2 months now, and I'm done with that too.

    Was this a TMI -- oh totally. Thanks for reading my vent and my blog. :)

    Whoa. Yeah, your case sounds pretty bad Amber. You NEED some SoCal rebound without delay. I have to admit that I was trying to be optimistic, but I guess I can froth at the mouth with die-hard optimism when I'm headed to Miami in two days and then the Canary Isles next month in April. Truth be told, without prevarication or unflappable optimism...this winter is kinda bumming me out a little bit too. And you're right...why invest the time if you can already see the writing on the wall. "Eff" that!

    As for the strip clubs...I think you pretty much summed up the way most people feel. They're pretty stale. Rick's? A joke? HOney's? Ha. The "Vu" down on first...ugh. It's been years since I've visited one and maybe that's why. From what I've heard, there is a good cabaret theater over on Rainier but I can't say that from personal experience. We can blame all these woes (minus the lack of sunshine) on our latte-sippin, fleece-wearin, subaru-drivin neighbors whom I'm beginning to get bored with and annoyed by. It's the same reason why the Sonics left town, and why there are no good operas at McCaw Hall. The opera used to be a place where you could take a hot date...but don't get me started on the opera.


    Dinner's calling.


    ...oh, and the black nail polish with the thonged half-socks over at clips4sale....a winner.


    I totally appreciate the optimism -- Lord knows that there's not enough of it to go around these days. :)

    I also *hate* myself for sounding so grouchy about Seattle/PNW because it's *home* to friends (and other kind folks) who deeply value its offerings, who *like* its gray skies and colder weather. BigD is sure going to miss the milder summer temperatures, that's for certain.

    You have to do what is best for you and BigD. If you are not happy, then have have every right to move and not have to explain it. Honestly I would nto want to live in a cold state that does not have a lot of sun in the winter. I would have to have one of those lights and I would still be a bitch. Moving is a bitch but it will be for the last time. :)